Today after reading of Chester Bennington's death by suicide, it reminded me of the time in my life when I hit a really low point in my life. I used to think that people who killed themselves were selfish and cowards for finding an "easy" way out until I was hit with severe depression. I begged and cried on my knees asking God to take my pain away to make these awful bad thoughts go away and I would go to sleep and wake up and the thoughts and feelings were still there. I blamed myself that maybe this was my punishment for something and God was not listening to me. I tried to talk to people and in away I was asking crying out for help, even to my own husband and no one was listening. How I wish someone would have taken 2 minutes and pulled me aside and just said are you ok? Can I help but it seemed like no one believed me, maybe because I was laughing and looked happy, but anyone can put on a happy face. People often tell you that if you need to talk to call that they are there to listen, but it felt like no one really meant it. I often wonder if people only say it to be polite and when you look for them they can't be bothered. I finally decided that I needed to seek professional help and let me tell you those were the worst times, sitting in a therapists room and talking about my thoughts and what I was feeling was one of the hardest things to do. But I needed help, I wanted to live for myself, for my kids and my family. They need me and sometimes that's hard to see. I can't say Im completely cured but I know how to ask for help now. One of my main goals I am still working on learning to love myself and let me tell you it's one of the hardest things to accomplish. But everyday that I wake up and I am still alive I am thankful, I now try to find the positive in the bumps in the road that come my way. To anyone reading this know that you are important, that you are worth it to get better and that many people love you!